


Incorrect Quotes

by Tobbee



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Clay | Dream and Toby Smith | Tubbo are Siblings, Crack, Dream and Tubbo are, Fluff, Found Family, Fundy and Dreams relationship was a prank :), Platonic Relationships, Their all family my dudes, Their best friends, Well Phil and Techno and Tommy and Wilbur are, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, wilbur and schlatt friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28463742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobbee/pseuds/Tobbee
Summary: Just some incorrect quotes turned into shorts
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream and Georgenotfound, Eret & Floris | Fundy, Eret & Niki | Nihachu, GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sam | Awesamdude & Phil Watson, Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Phil Watson, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade
Comments: 39
Kudos: 556





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I was bored so I went on tumblr and found some incorrect quotes to turn into shorts and here we are

“Hey Techno. Truth or dare?” Wilbur asked from his side of the couch.

Techno looked up from his phone and narrowed his eyes at Wilbur, suspicious of him. He shifted before answering.

“Truth?”

Wilbur grinned like a sadistic bitch, as would Tommy call him. He’s not exactly wrong.

“How many hours have you slept this week?” Wilbur said as he cocked his head to the side, still donning his grin.

Techno shifted uncomfortably again and avoided Wilbur’s piercing gaze. “Dare”

Wilbur grinned wider, his teeth showing.

“I dare you to sleep”

Techno threw his head back and groaned, his hands flying to his face in irritation. His eyes covered as he groaned again.

“I hate this game” He moaned as Wilbur threw his own head back and laughed like a bitch

ooO00Ooo

“I have the sharpest memory, name one thing I forgot” Techno bragged as he crossed his arms, looking Tommy in the eye. Tubbo sitting on their kitchen counter drinking hot chocolate and watching the interaction.

Tommy narrowed his eyes at Techno, his lips pursed. As if to say how stupid Techno was

“You forgot me in a Walmart parking lot two weeks ago!”

Techno didn’t look bothered or offended. His posture relaxed and face neutral.

“That was intentional, try again”

Tubbo choked on his drink as Tommy sputtered

ooO00Ooo

“Alright you two” Bad started as he looked Dream and Techno, both of them looking bored. “Please name a way to be nice to others” He said as be clapped his hands together. His glowing eyes looking at them with probably misplaced hope.

“Don’t kill them” Both Dream and Techno answered. Bad sputtered but slipped on a small awkward smile.

“Alright, setting the bar a little low but I’ll allow it…”

His hope was very much misplaced

ooO00Ooo

“Dream, would you slap Tommy for two million dollars?” Sapnap asked as he gestured to Tommy, the little gremlin in question standing next to him.

Dream looked at Tommy, as if to decide how to answer. Dreams mask bore into Tommy’s godamn soul as he answered.

“I would roundhouse kick Tommy in the face for free”

Tommy’s eye twitched

ooO00Ooo

Sapnap and George stood in front of a glistening lake, the stream rushing past them. It was so see through you could see the fishes in it clearly. Trees surrounded them and the evening sun shining on them.

“Sapnap move your blocking the view” George muttered irritated as he pushed past to see the view. Sapnap stumbled back and feigned hurt “Bitch I am the view” He mockingly said before turning back and admiring the view.

George suddenly had a brilliant idea

Sapnap realized too late that George had slipped behind and put his hands on his back.

“George wai-“

George pushed Sapnap into the water, effectively soaking him. Sapnap snapped his head towards where George was laughing his fucking ass off.

“George you bitc-“

ooO00Ooo

“I have a bad feeling about this” George muttered as he and Dream stalked through the forest, looking for mobs to kill.

“What do you mean?” Dream asked, turning to George with confusion radiating off him.

“Don’t you have that little voice in your head that tells you that something bad will happen or something that you do will get you in trouble?” George asked, equally confused. Dream looked like he was pondering the question before answering.

“No?”

George blinked in surprise

“That explains a lot actually”

ooO00Ooo

See, Dream liked to chill in the weirdest of places. Trees, roofs, counters, on top of your estranged fathers house. You name it, he’s relaxed there.

This is no different, chilling in his house vents with his little brother sitting in the living room under him. Tubbo didn’t even fucking know that his batshit weird brother was chilling in the vents.

Tubbo was watching a movie, cross legged on the couch and engrossed in the movie. He then suddenly sneezed which intelligently Dream instantly responded with

“Bless you”

Tubbo’s head snapped up to the ceiling, his eyes blown wide in confusion.

“God?”

Dream fell out of the ceiling vents with how hard he was wheezing

ooO00Ooo

“I’m going to sleep early tonight” Techno said confidently as he walked out of the house after sitting in his room in the dark for an entire day straight to work on the assignments that Phil gave him.

He winced as he looked up, confusion painted all over his face

“Is that the sun?”

ooO00Ooo

“Whomst’d’ve consumed my ice juice!?” Tommy demanded, standing in the kitchen and looking Techno straight in the eye. Phil choked on his coffee as Techno stared dumbfounded at Tommy.

Techno then hesitantly looked at Phil, “Should I call the exorcist?”

Tubbo then walked in from behind Tommy, his face full of malicious glee

“I hath consumed the ocean sauce” Tubbo said, his face suddenly neutral.

Phil looked at Techno, his face full of horror

“Call the exorcist”


	2. More quotes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back on my bullshit.

It’s a miracle that Schlatt hasn’t been killed yet.

I mean, he did like, playfully flirt with someone who was basically his best friend. Said best friends brother over heard them and is now threatening to cut his dick off. Wilbur is now trying to convince Techno to not absolutely murder Schlatt and send him to the ninth circle of hell, where he is most likely going.

Schlatt sipped on a random juice box he found in his bag, staring into nothing.

Yeah, he’s definitely dead.

ooO00Ooo

“Jellyfish have survived for 60,000 years without brains” Phil said, sipping his coffee and sitting on one of Sam’s couches. “A ray of hope for my children”

Sam hummed, seeming to agree or he was just not paying attention and went along with what Phil said. Probably. Sam was busy at his work bench, working on a new Redstone project.

Suddenly a loud blast was heard outside the house. Followed by Tommy’s angry screams, Wilburs laugher and Techno’s classic line, “Blood for the Blood God!”

Sam whipped his head around in distress.

Phil just sipped his coffee loudly.

ooO00Ooo

Techno doesn’t know why in gods name Phil brought him to a nursery. Maybe to teach him to look after babies, how to tolerate their incoherent screeching that made Techno’s poor ears bleed. How Phil got them to be able look after the children for an hour was beyond him.

Techno leaned back in surprise as Phil gave him a crying baby, snot and tears running down its chubby face. What’s worse is that Phil was smiling while he handed him the baby.

“Its okay… you’ll learn to do that on the inside when your older” Techno cringed as he held the baby awkwardly.

He saw Phil look at him with badly hidden concern.

“Techno, mate. Are you okay?”

Techno shrugged, the baby wailed louder.

ooO00Ooo

Tommy stared, bored. He was at Wilburs funeral, which wasn’t even that interesting. Everyone came sad and mopey, fuckin losers. Tommy had to keep himself from cringing when his friends all spoke their sorrows, wishing that Wilbur was still here.

Tommy shoved his hands into his pockets and turned to Phil. Currently him, Techno and Phil were surrounding Wilburs open coffin. Wilbur was dressed in the finest suit, flowers surrounding him and holding a rose.

“Can I have a moment with him?”

Phil blinked in surprise. He nodded and took Techno with him outside.

Tommy stared at where they went out, his lips pursed. He then leaned over the coffin, raising an unimpressed brow.

“Come on bitch, I know your not dead”

Wilbur cracked an eye open “Yeah no shit“ He said as he sat up, flowers falling of his head.

Tommy snorted “Dadza’s gonna kill your bitch ass”

“No shit Sherlock-“

ooO00Ooo

Tubbo’s hands pressed together as he leaned into them, a look of determination on his face

“What does ‘Take out’ mean?”

“Dinner!” Wilbur yelled from the kitchen

Phil looked up from his book, glasses sat on his nose “Dating”

“Murder” Tommy said mischievously. Phil let out a sigh of disappointment next to him.

Techno then walked into the room, an apple in his hand as he spoke

“All three if your bold enough”

Everyone stared at Techno, silent.

He just bit his apple and fucked of out the room.

ooO00Ooo

George was being an absolute Pratt, a dick. He was bitchy, sarcastic and Moody all day.

He was currently laying face down on the couch, grumbling curses. Dream was sitting on the couch opposite of him, just watching.

“Who hurt you?”

George lifted his head and glared at Dream “You want a list?” he said sarcastically.

Dream grinned like a fucking psycho “Yep! If you could just organise them from ‘closest to me’ to ‘furthest from me’, that’ll save me a lot of time-“

George threw a cushion at Dream, hitting him square in the face.

ooO00Ooo

“What did you guys get in your yearbook?” Karl asked. They were currently all seated across many couches and even on the floor. They were staying over at Dreams House for a bit.

“Nicest smile” Wilbur answered.

Tubbo leaned onto his brother, Dream looping an arm around Tuboo “Nicest personality”

“Most likely to start a bar fight” Tommy grumbled, scrolling through twitter.

Techno didn’t look from his book as he answered “Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one”

Karl let out a tired sigh.

ooO00Ooo

Niki let out a strained sigh “I don’t think heels are for me” She was currently struggling to stand in four-inch heels. Every step she thought she might fall over, it felt like roller-blading even though she has never roller-bladed in her life.

Eret then walked by her, in six-inch heels. They were wearing a strawberry dress with a Bi flag tied around their neck, a crown sat comfortably on his head.

They took one, calculating look at Niki and scoffed “Weak”

Eret then tripped over a stuffed animal

ooO00Ooo

Eret and Fundy were standing outside Dreams house. Eret was glaring at it while Fundy was making over-dramatic crying noises. Why wouldn’t he? The entire relationship was a prank that Fundy came up with Dream. They thought it was hilarious and the joke went on for a month before they announced their ‘break up’.

Eret turned to Fundy with the softest face and put their hand on his shoulder “Fundy, you will love again because time heals a broken heart”

Fundy had to keep himself from laughing at that sentence, needing to keep that the relationship was a prank a secret.

Eret then suddenly turned to the house “BUT NOT THAT BITCH’S WINDOW!” and hurled a _brick_ from out of nowhere at Dreams bedroom window.

“WHO THE HELL THREW A BRICK AT MY WINDOW!”

Eret payed for the window while apologizing profusely, Dream in turn just laughed his ass off and killed his lungs.

ooO00Ooo

Phil turned as Wilbur ran up to him, tears pricking at his eyes and holding a chocolate sauce bottle “dad help, I-“

Suddenly Tommy ran into the room, holding a fucking _carton_ of eggs and glaring at Wilbur “GIVE ME THAT, LET ME MAKE MY OWN BAD DECISIONS!”

Wilbur shrieked and hid behind Phil.

Phil let out a quiet ‘what the fuck?’

ooO00Ooo

Techno tipped his head upward. They were staying at Dreams again, Phil was out of town an he didn’t trust them to look after them self’s. Even though two out of his three sons were adults.

“If your fortunate enough, your internal organs will stay in darkness for the rest of their lifespan” He cited. Wilbur let out a groan and smacked his head onto the wall.

“Not if I Swallow this glowstick!” Tubbo said, a glowstick in his hand and already halfway to his mouth.

Dream lunged at Tubbo.

“Tubbo _no-“_

He had to go the hospital


	3. Feast Children

“Just slept for twelve hours but I’m still tired so let’s go for twelve more” George said, slithering over to the couch and flopping his ass onto it.

Sapnap looked vaguely concerned “Bro, that’s a coma”

“Sounds festive”

He then passed out

-

“One day,” Tommy started, Wilbur was already groaning and Phil just left the fucking room. “Im going to say ‘Fight me’ to the wrong person and their going to fucking deck me”

“Oh trust me” Techno said, his eyes narrowing and pulling his sleeves up “That day may be closer than you think”

He then stood up and Tommy let out a shriek.

-

“I saw my two kids, Sapnap and George hugging each other”

Sam was currently at Phil’s House for tea, joined by Bad and Schlatt. Well, Schlatt had alcohol in his but that doesn’t matter.

Bad looked at Sam with suspicion, Schlatt had an eyebrow raised and Phil simply didn’t give a shit.

“I then looked closer. Turns out they were choking each other”

Bad spit out his tea and doubled over.

-

“Rules were made to be broken” Tubbo said, lighter in hand.

Ranboo sputtered as he tried to get Tubbo to let go of the lighter, trying to convince him to not burn down a house. _“No_ , name one thing that was supposed to be broken”

Tommy cracked his knuckles.

“Your spine”

-

“Hello!” Quackity greeted, “Welcome to my first blog post, in which I try out different hair products”

He then reached out of frame and pulled out a hair spray bottle. He shook it a couple times before-

_Spraying it into his fucking mouth_.

Quackity looked like he was going through every stage of grief and inventing more.

“Well, right off the bat I can tell you guys this ones not very good!”

He then fell over.

-

“You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here this fast?” George asked, small tears pooling at his eyes.

“Several traffic violations” Dream answered.

“Three accounts of resisting arrest” Sapnap drawled, petting a random cat that George had no idea where it _even came from_.

Karl bounced on his toes, repeatedly slapping his knees and a grin on his face. “Roughly thirteen cans of red bull” He said in the _giddiest tone_ George has ever heard in his twenty-four years on this hellscape.

“And,” Quackity started “That cars not ours” He then pointed out the window.

George sighed as he buried his head into his hands.

What was he really expecting?

-

Wilbur sighed as he buried his head in his arms.

Today was so _boring_. He had nothing to do, nobody was here to annoy.

“You bored?” Schlatt asked, having an equally boring day.

“Yeah”

A smile creeped onto the bastards face “Wanna start drama for no reason?”

Wilbur grinned back.

“Thought you’d never ask”

-

“Here’s the thing though” Dream started, he was currently in the kitchen with Techno.

“Is it really a threat if I give them a heads up?:

Techno tipped his head towards Dream.

“I think that’s called a threat”

-  
"Do you think different paints have different tastes?" Fundy asked

"They do" Hbomb answered, picking at his nails

"Why...do you say that with such certainty?"

He shrugged


	4. More bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back on my bullshit again

“Hey Dream, can you do me a small favour please?” Tubbo asked. Dream stopped fiddling with the dagger in his hand and cocked his head to the side.

“I Would kill for you but go off” He replied, flexing his fingers on the dagger.

“Dream _no_ -“

-

“Ranboo” Tommy started, the enderman in question pricking up. “When I get murdered can you make sure that its an unsolved case”

Ranboo blinked.

“What?”

Tommy scoffed “I want to get on buzz feed unsolved”

“Can we go back to the part were you said ‘When I get murdered?”

-

Ranboo walked out of the station with Tommy, his tail wrapped around his leg. “Sorry It took me so long to bail you out” He apologised.

Tommy brought up his hand to stop Ranboo. “No its my fault, I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police”

-

“Studying? More like student dying! Am I right or am I right?” Tommy laughed, the baggiest eyebags resting under the gremlins face, and _that’s_ coming from Ranboo.

“Are you alright?” Ranboo cautiously asked.

“I haven’t slept in four days”

Tommy then passed out in a blur.

-

Dream stood tall on a chair, the damn thing threatening to break under him, it was very old.

“The floor is hating Tubbo!” He hollered.

Instant reactions.

Tommy leaped into Wilburs arms, clinging on his neck and wrapping his lanky legs around his brothers waist. Wilbur in return climbed onto a fucking _file cabinet_ while carrying Tommy.

Ranboo jumped onto a windowsill, knocking plants of and causing dirt to cover the floor.

Niki calmly sat on a chair and crossed her legs, absolutely ignoring her friends antics. Puffy lounged onto the chair that was next to Niki and kicked her legs onto the table.

Tubbo then dived to the _fucking floor_.

“Tubbo _NO-_ “

-

Tubbo slumped onto the couch next to Ranboo “Why am I not a banana?”

Ranboo, the absolute bastard that knows _very_ weird facts for some reason, answered.

“Because your genetic code dictates that you are human. However, it should please you to know that you share fifty to sixty percent of your DNA with banana’s.”

“Thanks Ranboo” Tubbo grinned.

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows “So your telling me that some people are more banana than others?”

Ranboo then pointed outside the widow to Quackity, who was prancing around in a banana costume and was trying to sell people snow-powder that he claimed was cocaine.

“Ahhh, good point”

-

“You’re an enderman? Why are you half white?” Tubbo asked Ranboo, the enderman let out a nervous chuckle.

Tommy smacked the back of Tubbo’s head “Oh my god Tubbo you just can’t ask people why they’re half white! What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

-

“If I don’t listen to an alt pop song in the next minute I’m going to start committing war crimes” Ranboo ranted, his hand twitching.

Tubbo grinned in a very bastard way, his earbuds playing Baby shark for the _seventh_ time.

-

“You read my diary!?” Tommy shrieked, ripping the book from Ranboo’s grubby hands.

“In my defence, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book”

-

Ranboo crossed his arms, a scowl fixated on his face “Why haven’t you answered my calls?”

Tubbo raised his arms “I can explain”

“Then explain Tubbo”

“I like my ringtone”

Ranboo blinked.

-

The tune of September played in the room as Tubbo slid in front of Ranboo.

“Do you remember-“

“no”

-

"For once" Tommy groaned into his hands "Just once I want to get up in the Moring without going through the seven stages of grief"

Ranboo looked vaguely concerned "What are the extra two?"

"Denial two and astral projection"

-

Ranboo scrambled behind a rock, Tubbo and Tommy joining him as they ducked their heads.

“What is our exit plan!?” Ranboo exclaimed, an explosion going off and a wave of dust rushed past them.

“Our what?!” Tommy screamed, poking his head over the rock to look at the fighting.

“Oh my god we’re going to die!” Ranboo screamed as another explosion went off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil had to come save their asses :)


	5. Bench trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am bench trio trash, anyway have this long chapter of only them.

Tubbo fiddled with a doorknob, it jingled but didn’t open. Tubbo stomped his foot before turning to Ranboo.

“We need to get through this locked door, Ranboo give me your credit card” Ranboo, albeit confused, handed Tubbo the card.

“Thanks”

Tubbo then _pocketed it_ and turned to Tommy “Tommy, kick down the door”

-

Tubbo stared at Tommy as he chugged milk straight _out of the container-_

“Yeah,” Tommy wiped the access milk off his face with his arm “Sometimes I drink milk out of the container”

Ranboo, oh the innocent cryptic, piped up with “The cow?”

Tommy blinked.

“wh _at?_ ”

Tubbo looked like he was fucking _grieving_.

“Ranboo _why?”_

-

“If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party and you’re all invited” Tommy grinned, arms wide and doing jazz hands.

Ranboo blinked, he then furrowed his brows, “If?”

“Great,” Tubbo groaned “The only party I’ve ever been invited to and the guy might not even die”

-

Tommy leaned against the door frame, a blank look on his face that also looked like he was grieving. He watched blankly as his friends did _whatever the fuck they were doing_.

Tubbo held up a barbie doll “Hey Ken!” He said in a High pitched voice, “I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!”

Ranboo held up a Ken doll, “Nonsense barbie” He said in a exaggerated deep voice, _even though_ he had a very deep voice “Your staying home and having my kids”

“What the fuck are you two doing?”

Tubbo turned to Tommy, who had his lips pursed and brows furrowed. Mind you he was still holding the barbie doll when he answered Tommy.

“Playing systematic oppression”

-

Ranboo threw his arms around Tommy and Tubbo’s shoulders and squeezed them closer to him.

“I love you guys, you’re the best thing that happened to me!” He grinned, his smile stretching from ear to ear.

Tubbo tapped on Ranboo’s arm “We’re the best thing that happened to you?”

Rambo blinked at Tubbo, confused but still having his dopey smile on his face.

“Yes?”

“I’m starting to feel sorry for you big man” Tommy sighed.

-

Tubbo stared at Tommy as he had his arms crossed, Ranboo standing awkwardly behind him.

“You have to apologise to Ranboo” After a brief pause Tubbo decided to add “Tommy”

Tommy scoffed, shoving his arms in his pockets, “Fine”

He titled his head towards Ranboo, looking him in the eye, which probably isn’t a good idea.

“’Unfuck you’ or whatever”

-

“Hey Tommy?” Tubbo asked, Tommy looked from where he was eating, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah?”

“Can a person breathe in a washing machine while its on?” He asked as he innocently cocked his head to the side.

A pause.

“Where’s Ranboo?”

Another pause.

“I think you know the answer”

-

Tommy sat silently on a jail bed, Tubbo sitting next to him. They had done some dumb shit and the police arrested them, totally deserved though.

Tubbo then turned to Tommy, “So,” He started “Who should we call?”

Tommy cringed, “I would call Ranboo,” He then shivered “But I feel safer in jail.”

-

Tommy crossed his arms as he leaned back onto the couch, Tubbo sat next to him and Ranboo across him.

He never thought he would have this conversation with a seventeen year-old, but here he is.

“Tell Ranboo about the birds and the bees” He finally said, after ten minutes of them sitting in silence.

Tubbo had a dark look on his face, “Their disappearing at an alarmingly rate”

Tommy let out a sigh and left the room.

-

“I really like the ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’ thing you guys have going on” Ranboo complimented while gesturing his hands, a little thing he liked to do.

Tommy raised an eyebrow, “Its not an act, its just I’m mean and that Tubbo’s not”

Ranboo’s eye twitched, why couldn’t he just take a compliment?

-

Ranboo blinked slowly, bringing up an arm to rub at his eyebags and let out a yawn.

“What time is it?”

Tubbo looked up from his phone, “Dunno, pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out”

Ranboo nodded sleepily and gave Tubbo the saxophone that Quackity bought them… for some reason.

Tubbo brought it up to his mouth and blew into it, the saxophone making a horrible shrieking sound.

“WHO THE _HELL_ IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO AM!?”

That was Tommy.

Tubbo turned to Ranboo, “Its two am”

Their door slammed open and Tubbo shrieked.

-

Tommy slapped a branch away from his face, cursing under his breath and stepping through tall grass.

Tommy turned to Ranboo, “Are you sure we’re going the right direction” because this _certainly not_ where their supposed to be.

Rambo turned to Tommy, his tail flicking nervously behind him a careful smile on his face “Certainly, I’m as sure as I’m honest!”

Tubbo sighed, a dejected look on his face “In that case, we’re _definitely_ lost”

-

“I told Ranboo that his ears flush when he lies” Tommy said. They were in a flowered field and was screwing around.

Tubbo looked up from the bee in his hand, confused. “Why?” He asked, the bee in his hand then flew away.

“Look”

Tommy then turned to Ranboo. Who was walking peacefully with a grassblock in his hand.

“Hey Ranboo! Do you love us?” He shouted.

Ranboo immediately dropped his grassblock and his hands flew to his ears, “No!”

Tommy then turned to Tubbo, grinning.

-

Tubbo ran around the kitchen, distressed. His arms was full of cluttery and he was wearing an apron. He then ran up to Ranboo, “HELP! I TOLD TOMMY THAT I WOULD COOK DINNER BUT I CANT COOK!” he shrieked.

Rambo simply raised an eyebrow, he was currently pouring milk _directly into the cereal bag_.

“And you thought I could help?”

Tubbo felt his soul leave his body.

-

Tommy peeked from behind a door, furrowing his eyebrows and turning back to Ranboo and Tubbo. “We need a distraction” He said, tapping his arm nervously.

Ranboo glanced around them, “Is anyone here good at jumping around and making weird noises?” He asked.

Tubbo brightened up and whispered “My time has finally come”

-

Ranboo stopped reaching for a cereal as a store worked talked from the speaker.

“Can a Mr. Beloved come to the desk please?”

Ranboo felt confusion radiate off of him as he made his way to the desk, his tail flicking wildly behind him.

“Yes?” He said as he stopped at the desk, dropping the groceries next to him. The store worker looked up from their computer, they looked _really_ tired.

They then pointed to _Tommy and fucking Tubbo_ and said “I believe they belong to you?”

Tommy scoffed and looked away, muttering under his breath. Tubbo pouted as he tugged on Tommy’s arm.

“We got lost :(“ They said how _the hell did they say that outloud-_

Ranboo blinked, confused.

“I didn’t even bring you here with me-“

-

Ranboo felt heat licking at his skin, probably the flames of their neighbours burning house that they stood ten feet away from. He narrowed his brows and frowned.

Tubbo raised his arms in defence “In my defence, I was left unsupervised”

Ranboo’s ear flicked “Wasn’t Tommy with you?”

“In my defence, I was also left unsupervised” Tommy said, his arms his behind his back, where Ranboo _knew_ he was holding a match.

Ranboo let out a sigh as he heard the neighbour shout.

-

“Ranboo and I were walking across the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us”

Tubbo looked intrigued at Tommy’s story, leaning in to hear it better.

“He chased him to the next red light, then reached through the window and….”

In that exact moment Ranboo entered the room.

“Hey, who wants a steering wheel?”

-

Tommy held up a goddamn _python_ to Ranboo and Tubbo.

“Guys, I bought a snake impulsively. What do I name him?”

Ranboo gaped at him, “You did _whAT!?_ ” He shrieked.

Instead scolding Tommy like a normal person, Tubbo piped up with-

“William Snakepeare”

-

Tommy crouched behind a alleyway wall, Tubbo crouching carefully next to him. They were waiting on Ranboo to give them some time.

“What do you think he will do as a distraction?” He asked absentmindedly. Tubbo looked from fiddling with his hands and glanced out behind from the wall.

“He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. It seems like something he would do”

Suddenly a explosion went off. A wave of fire zoomed past the alleyway, making their clothes and hair move as if it would in the wind. Several car alarms went off and the sounds of pieces of building falling encompassed them.

“….or he could do that”


End file.
